I've spent nearly six hours on the Children's Literature assignment, and have started writing a load of rubbish. Well, I hope I've only just started writing rubbish.... I have twelve pages of notes which need putting into some sort of order and typing up. I need to improve on my last Children's Lit score, which was a miserable 59 (after being in the 70's for the previous two). I tell myself I'll be happy with a score over 60 for anything, which may have been true a year ago, but not any more. Stupid, because a year ago I was doing level one courses and am now on level three.
Even though I'll miss the learning, I'm kind of looking forward to the degree getting finished. I don't even really know why I'm doing it. If it's just to prove my old teachers wrong, then it's a bloody hard and expensive way of doing it. Over £3500 into it, and I've still got two years to go. Or am I just tired and in the wrong mood to be thinking about it?
Another problem is I'm now doubting some things we're supposed to be teaching the children. Literacy lessons are being spent learning endlessly about adjectives and adverbs, and yet, in Creative Writing, we're told to try not to use them. Every book on writing says, 'Stop using adverbs! Less adjectives! Write what you mean and stop being lazy!' and yet at school it's: 'Put in more adjectives! Where's your description?' And then there's reading: 'Quick! How many books can you get through in a month? Why are you still on that level?' rather than actually discussing and enjoying books. I just get the feeling that lots of things they're being taught are going to have to be unlearned in later life. I also get the feeling I'm being a bit of a miserable cow today. Sorry. I will make an effort to cheer up and be optimistic.
So, in my mood of optimism and sunshine, why am I doing this degree? I think what it actually boils down to, is that I hate Eastenders. It's on almost every night and the husband and Son-Number-Two both watch it. It's too loud and too depressing and I don't want to be in the same room as the programme in case I accidentally watch a bit and get sucked in. In fact, I don't watch an awful lot of tv at all. So, instead, I shut myself into a little room and read stuff. If I'm going to be reading anyway, I may as well learn things at the same time.
And when the degree finishes? No idea. But definitely, definitely, no teaching. The more I have to take the class, the less I want to teach. When I take the class for any length of time, I find myself coming out with things I promised myself I'd never say. All those things that children take the mickey out of: 'You're wasting your own time now,' or 'You're really letting yourself down.' Those things that make me want to go and shoot myself because I'm turning into a Boring and Horrible Person. I love working with the children, but I think teaching would make me hate them (and myself).
I'll probably just carry on doing what I'm doing, but I'll be blogging more, while using less adverbs. (She typed, thoughtfully.)
I hope the books actually say to use "FEWER adjectives".
ReplyDeleteYour own, personal 'G-N'
I'm not going to get away with anything now, am I? :-)
ReplyDeleteI particularly enjoyed this post. Maybe because I identified with it on a couple of levels.
ReplyDeleteDegrees: After getting my BA in history, I took a run at my masters; and got distracted. Some years later I took another run at it a few years later and got distracted again; and few years later. I keep promising that I’ll get that degree at some point before I leave the Earth but I’m getting to the point at which it will be a broken promise. I don’t want it for any other reason than, I want it. I’m closing in on retirement so there really is no career benefit. And so I kick myself every now and then when I think about how I allowed myself to get distracted over really silly things; particularly that first time when I was mired in late adolescence. Maybe in retirement I’ll finally take that final run.
Teaching: When I got my BA my purpose was to teach high school history. After graduating I found that there were far more teachers than positions; so I found something else to do. I took some classes some ten years ago to get my credential, passed an exam to allow me to enter the profession and then got cold feet. As much as I want to teach, and I’ve been told by people in the profession that I would make an excellent history teacher, I want to teach. I don’t fancy myself to be a cop, a babysitter or the person who has to impart to teens the manners that their parents failed to when those teens were young children. That’s the battle that teachers face in California schools and I hold in very high regard the men and women who take on the calling of being a teacher.
I know you’ll finish your degree and whether or not you use it to become a teacher, I’m sure you’ll enjoy the knowledge that you got it. As my dad, who never finished high school, told me just before I graduated, “It’s something they can’t take away from you.”
Thank you for your comments - you're absolutely right about the degree; when I get finished, and I'm determined to get there, I'll have something that I should be proud of. University was not an option for me when I left school - I was 16 and just wanted out. Older, and slightly wiser, I needed to prove to myself that I wasn't the dunce some teachers had made me out to be.
DeleteAnd as for teaching - yes, I'd love to TEACH, but I don't want to spend more time on paperwork than with the children. I've seen what inspections have done to fabulous teachers, and I can do without that stress. As it is, I have the best of both worlds - I sometimes take the class (using the teacher's plans) but I get to go home at a reasonable time and enjoy my family. Well, I will do when I finish this damn degree!
All the best and thanks again for your thoughts.