Disaster on a Biblical scale

I had orders from Ms Fab to blog about today's school assembly. We are a Church of England school and our assemblies, on Monday and Friday mornings, involve Christian lessons and stories. Sometimes we have visitors from various local churches that take our assemblies. Today was the turn of someone who delivers the 'Open the Book' programme. These sessions are meant to (and I'm quoting from the website here) 'use drama, mime, props, costume - even the children and staff themselves - to present Bible stories in ways that are lively, engaging, informative ... and great fun for everyone involved'. The assemblies presented to us are certainly lively and great fun for the staff; it's like watching Monty Python. 

Today, we were learning about the Plagues of Egypt - the death of the first born, in particular. Children had been issued with scripts the day before. God stood in the PE cupboard ready for her (we're a very open-minded school) proclamation. Pharaoh sat rather nervously on a chair at the front and kept checking her (I told you) lines. Tables were swathed in sheets to represent houses and the man presenting the assembly began to pick children to act the part of various families. 'You, you, and you. Not you, sit down...' There was a collective wince from staff as a very young Special Needs child was ordered to return to his place, but thankfully there was no tantrum thrown, and the poor boy was offered a merit as a sop when he returned to class. 

Next, a toy sheep was held aloft. 'They killed this,' the children were told, and several infants looked horrified, 'and they painted the blood over the doors.' Red ribbons were sellotaped onto the 'houses' of the favoured family. The lucky ones were ordered into their 'house' where they had to feast on the remains of the fluffy sheep. Staff were trying to avoid eye-contact with each other. There were about twenty children at the front of the hall, milling about, standing in the wrong places and giggling. Laughter came to an abrupt halt when an angel with a wooden sword appeared and pretended to murder children. The year sixes, seated by me, gave each other sideways glances and looked rather shocked. 'You need to lie down,' five year olds were ordered, 'you're dead, aren't you?' The 'families' were told off for not being upset enough: 'What do you do when someone's dead? You cry, so we need you all to cry.' 

Pharaoh was quite new to our school and was probably wondering what sort of a mad-house she'd ended up in. Ms Fab was crying with laughter and the Boss Lady was probably thinking of things to say in answer to impending parental complaints. 

Not all of our visitors have such an affect on the children. One American lady, who took our year 6 RE sessions a couple of years ago, was brilliant. I can't remember what the sessions were called, and I'm hoping someone will remind me, but she taught the Old Testament through actions and drama. The children learnt the names of all of the Books through hand gestures and they absolutely loved it (as did I). It was fun (the children all threw toy frogs at Pharaoh, in her version) and the children remembered it all months later and kept asking if she could come back. 

Until then, we have to make do with chaos and disaster. I think one year 6 girl summed up today's shenanigans perfectly: 'That assembly. It was a bit "Oh, crikey!" wasn't it?' It certainly was.