The words 'I don't get it' usually come from two types of children in the classroom. One of my favourite year 5 girls says it after she's sweated blood over a problem and has rubbed out her work so often she's worn a hole in her page. Another child (and not so much a favourite) says it because she can't be bothered and wants everything done for her.
I'm hoping I'm more the former, in that I've tried so hard to understand this creativity in language stuff. I remember reading a legal document when my parents wanted me to have power of attorney in case they suddenly went doolally. I read it, but didn't understand every word, putting my trust in the family of solicitors that we've worked with for years. Reading Carter's book gives me the same feeling of confusion and hopelessness, except that I've got to use it to write essays that will give me useful scores. I got an email from my lovely tutor today, giving ideas and tips for the next assignment, and I didn't understand half of that, either.
What annoys me is that I know it has the potential to be a fascinating subject, but the course uses so many technical terms that it's like reading a car manual. Meanings of normal words are changed, so for example, the word 'literature' doesn't mean 'literature' any more, but something totally different.
In short, I am feeling like an idiot, and I'm angry with myself for being so thick. I feel like a girl at school the other week, who burst into tears after the teacher asked her a question in maths. 'But I didn't even understand what she was asking me,' she sobbed.
After having a mini-tantrum (thank goodness The Husband is so understanding), I dried my eyes and sent an email to the OU asking if I can transfer any of my funding to the next presentation of 20th Century Literature. If I'm not able to transfer funding (which means I'll be nearly £700 out of pocket), then that's it - end of studying. I am not going to spend from now until June in a permanent state of stress.
I hate giving up, but I have to remind myself that I'm doing this because I want to - not because I have to. Unfortunately, the literature course doesn't start until next September, so that'll be a fair time with no studying and that's one of the reasons I'm not sure I'll be able to save any of my money. Anyway, hopefully I'll find out in a day or two.
In the meantime, I'm going to put my books away, as they're making me feel guilty, and watch some rubbish on tv.
I'm hoping I'm more the former, in that I've tried so hard to understand this creativity in language stuff. I remember reading a legal document when my parents wanted me to have power of attorney in case they suddenly went doolally. I read it, but didn't understand every word, putting my trust in the family of solicitors that we've worked with for years. Reading Carter's book gives me the same feeling of confusion and hopelessness, except that I've got to use it to write essays that will give me useful scores. I got an email from my lovely tutor today, giving ideas and tips for the next assignment, and I didn't understand half of that, either.
What annoys me is that I know it has the potential to be a fascinating subject, but the course uses so many technical terms that it's like reading a car manual. Meanings of normal words are changed, so for example, the word 'literature' doesn't mean 'literature' any more, but something totally different.
In short, I am feeling like an idiot, and I'm angry with myself for being so thick. I feel like a girl at school the other week, who burst into tears after the teacher asked her a question in maths. 'But I didn't even understand what she was asking me,' she sobbed.
After having a mini-tantrum (thank goodness The Husband is so understanding), I dried my eyes and sent an email to the OU asking if I can transfer any of my funding to the next presentation of 20th Century Literature. If I'm not able to transfer funding (which means I'll be nearly £700 out of pocket), then that's it - end of studying. I am not going to spend from now until June in a permanent state of stress.
I hate giving up, but I have to remind myself that I'm doing this because I want to - not because I have to. Unfortunately, the literature course doesn't start until next September, so that'll be a fair time with no studying and that's one of the reasons I'm not sure I'll be able to save any of my money. Anyway, hopefully I'll find out in a day or two.
In the meantime, I'm going to put my books away, as they're making me feel guilty, and watch some rubbish on tv.
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